As individuals, interpersonal conflicts is an issue that have been affecting us and would continue to affect us till the rest of our lives. Try recalling our younger days. We would argue with our siblings over new toys, disagree with our friends over the best football team and would challenge the teachers to salvage some marks for our exams. If the situation did not turn out favorably, we would then complain to our mother and sulk for the next few days. Interpersonal conflicts are very common in our everyday life. However, as time passes and as we grow older, we are less affected by interpersonal conflicts. This is because, over time and through experience, we have subconsciously gained the ability to resolve interpersonal conflicts amicably.
However, I recently had an interpersonal conflict with a fellow member of a mentoring program. This issue pertained to differing religious practices. As the head of this mentoring program, my committee and I decided to hold congregational prayers for our mentees for their upcoming examinations. This was not an obligatory prayer(like the 5 obligatory prayers that Muslims perform daily), but it was simply encouraged to perform it to ask God to bless our mentees and pray for their success in their PSLE. It was not compulsory for mentors to join but the school wanted the mentees to perform these prayers as it is thought to be part of the mentoring program that we were conducting.
Mentor X did not want to perform these prayers and did not want others to perform these prayers as she did not believe in this practice. Instead of giving feedback when the idea was initially brought up during a particular debrief session, she kept quiet. When she eventually found out that we were conducting these prayers, she still did not offer her views. If she had talked to me, I would have accommodated her views and tried to resolve it amicably. Instead, she influenced her mentees not to perform these prayers. This situation put me in a difficult position as the prayers were compulsory for the mentees.
I understand Mentor X's position. She probably felt uncomfortable voicing out her opinion, since she was the only one who had an issue with it. At the same time, she felt guilty as she viewed it as a responsibility to educate her peers. As such, she went for the next best approach; which was to educate her mentees. However, I felt that she was being rigid in this situation as this matter had been debated by various Islamic scholars in the past, and there was no simple conclusion to it. As the head of the mentoring program, what should I do?
As the head of the mentoring project I think you should talk to her one on one to find out more about her concerns. Maybe you can explain in more detail to her about your rationale of holding the prayer session so she can see where you are coming from. After that you may need to hold a discussion with the committee to see how you can solve this difference in views. I think you also have the need to clarify with your mentees this difference in view as they might be confused. As this involves religion it's pretty difficult to come to a conclusion that everybody will agree. All the best :)
ReplyDeleteWow gwen, I think that you just gave me excellent advice! Thank you! i'll see whether i am able to follow your advice when i see her tomorrow!
DeleteI agree with Gwen that you should talk to mentor x personally. By doing so, she will think that her opinions/views are important to you and naturally she will be more comfortable to tell you how she feels. Do be careful with your choice of words and tone when you speak to her. Try not to give her a wrong impression that you are irritated with her doings and wants to confront her. Put yourself in her shoes and see things in her perspective so that you will understand why she is against the idea of performing the prayers. You mentioned that she did not voice out her views during the debrief session. I think that it might be because she was afraid that the others might be unhappy with her as she was the only one who opposed the idea. In addition, she might also find it hard to approach you personally if she does not know you well. I think it is natural for us to hide our true opinions from someone whom we do not know well because we do not know how the person will react if we told them the truth. Hope that my advice helps!:)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Xinyi, you and gwen can be my personal advisors! I think that the two of you have given me excellent advice to overcome my conflict. When speaking to mentor X, I will keep in mind the tone of my voice and my choice of words. Thank you again!
DeleteBy talking to mentor x, you would be able to know more about x's nature. X could have found it difficult to speak out even in a debrief session, as she did not want to be the odd one out. You could also inform the mentees in more detail that prayer was performed to ask God to bless them. As Xinyi mentioned, by putting yourself in her shoes may give you a entirely different perspective. She could have view that may be absolutely contradicting to the one you have. She may be of the opinion that even if she had voiced out, her opinion would be suppressed.
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